In 1637, Holland witnessed the first ever recorded financial (or asset) bubble know as the Tulip Mania. This was a period during the Dutch Golden Age where the edgy ‘new’ plant, the Tulip, had relatively recently been introduced and the prices for some of the bulbs went through the roof with the market going  full “petal” to the metal! (Sorry). 

In early February 1637, the market for tulip bulbs had risen to ridiculous levels with people paying huge amounts for a single bulb. The market then crashed when potential customers were suddenly unwilling to pay the massive prices as they now saw the market as unsustainable, leading to the ruination of many a tulip merchant. A blooming nightmare. (Not sorry). 

This episode of psychosis takes place in 1636 when the market was approaching its peak. The daughter of a tulip merchant, Floor, along with a friend and a male chaperone had stayed out to the early evening, later than usual, and were walking back to their lift home when they were set upon by three men (workers building a nearby canal I think). 

Two of the men grabbed both women with the friend wriggling free and fleeing. The male companion was smashed around the head and went down straight away not moving at all. 

I too was unsteadily walking the street and saw this happening directly in front of me. I’d been drinking strong ale with friends all that day and was walking back with the 1636 equivalent of a kebab. 

I’d had a lovely day and a scrap was the absolute last thing I wanted. After carefully laying down my ‘kebab’ I steeled myself, gulped and ran in to the melee. Floor had been restrained by the men with a hand over her mouth and was wriggling violently in the man’s grip. 

I ran up to one of the fellas and punched him as hard as I could which, much to my surpise, knocked him down. I then started on the other fella but found that as soon as I released Floor, she laid into him herself, screaming and lashing out like a good’un. 

The two of us went to town on these lads and were only stopped by some locals. By this point, Floor’s friend had got more help and then men were led away, unconcious, feet dragging and hands tied. 

Floor and her friend were taken back to her father’s house and I retuned to the ale house I’d come from to tell my new tale. Some days later a maid that worked for Floor came to find me with a purchase note for three tulip bulbs as a reward. 

I sold this on for a huge amount of money that led to me having a PHENOMENAL year but I wanted to commemorate me being a bit brave and saving a life (and selflessly abandoning a perfectly good kebab) so I made a vase for these tulips or a ‘tulipiere’. 

I made it in the shape of a Baywatch walkie-talkie to remember the occasion by. Whenever I see a walkie-talkie in the modern world I’m racked with guilt and remorse. I think of all the times in history that that level of communication would have been so useful and how many lives could have been saved by simple comms. 

I think also that, although these people I make work about are part of a psychotic episode that takes place hundreds of years ago, I still feel close to them and I’d still love to call them up for a chat. Thanks for reading. Oopsy over and out.